I've been thinking about how I've changed over the last four years. The changes have been slow and yet, in some cases, quite dramatic. I thought this post might be useful to add to my CV when the time comes, to clarify what we 'at home' adults have been getting up to with all this time off. Feel free to cut and paste... although a reference might be harder to extract!
In the role of Parent / Guardian, you will be required to support the workforce in the following capacities:
1. You will be responsible for a workforce who are frequently shrill and unreasonable.
2. The workforce will require near constant surveillance.
3. You will menu plan, purchase and cook all food required for nourishment.
4. You will clothe entire workforce, with perpetual cleaning thereof.
5. You will provide medical attention - no essential training necessary.
6. You will provide a clean and hygienic space for the workforce (personal grooming preferred, not essential).
7. You will be responsible for all aspects of health and safety including regular risk assessments.
8. You will maintain a tidy environment in adverse conditions.
9. You must develop individuality, team-work and a strong sense of self-esteem among the workforce.
10. You must humour and support with good nature, all those with less experience than yourself.
11. You must teach the workforce everything.
12. You must endeavour to provide fun, energetic and spontaneous activities to stimulate and entertain.
13. You must not become downhearted when projects don't reach completion.
14. Micro-management will be required on every level pertaining to discipline and manners.
15. Event Management for all National, International and Familial celebrations is mandatory.
16. The right candidate will show:
Unusual levels of patience
Superb skills in damage limitation in all issues of an emotional nature
Finely honed negotiation tactics
A fierce ability to multi-task
Problem solving capabilities - essential
17. There are no structured breaks within this role.
18. There is no allocated holiday allowance within this role.
19. Small amounts of alcohol, Internet use, socialising and shopping are permitted on duty, however may be postponed / cancelled according to workforce needs.
20. There is an initiation period of approximately 2-3 years for each new member of the team, where full physical and toilet support will be required.
21. N.B. There may be some considerable, ongoing physical discomfort endured within this role.
22. The rewards for this role are substantial, with on-going
potential, yet difficult to clarify succinctly. Interested candidates
will be required to adopt a leap first, look later attitude.
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No Fun Mum
Children's Picture Book Writer (in waiting) and Expert in Pre-School Conflict Resolution!
Today we are mostly... playing hide and sneak. Put a collection of items on a tray and cover it with a tea towel. Sneak one away and see if the ankle-biters can work out which one has gone.
If you liked this, you might also like: Not That Primrose Hill!